Spanky's
GENERAL RULES OF THUMB
GENERAL RULES OF THUMB
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| Here You'll find a few simple rules to make you life a little BETTER, EASIER and BRIGHTER . This is not Science, Politics nor Religion. JUST FOR FUN ! And like Trivia (Which I Love) most of this is Useless knowledge but good to know. NEW RULES ADDED WEEKLY |
IN THE GYM, ARE YOU BEING WATCHED?
Usually not. Unless you are striking looking, people are wrapped up in
themselves and their own workout. Dress comfortably for good range
of movement and cover yourself to ensure your privacy and so you do
not distract other attendees at the gym.
TAKING A SHOWER
A ten minute shower is worth an hour and a half of sleep.
LOVE AND CONVENIENCE
If a woman spends more time looking at herself in the mirror than
directly at her husbands face, the marriage has turned from love to
convenience.
MIRROR, MIRROR
Your eyesight gets worse as you get older so you can still like what
you see in the mirror.
WHOM TO SLEEP WITH
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
STRESSED
If you are stressed, just remember it's "Desserts" Backwards !
MONEY LIFE & TIME
Value anything but money, waste anything but time, and reply nothing
but smiles :)
Truth & Lying
If you tell the truth, You Don't have to remember anything
FIANCÉES FAMILY
You don't marry your spouse, you marry your spouse's family. You
already know that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with your
fiancé, but you're also committing to making their family your family.
WHEN NOT TO GAMBLE
Never gamble because you need the money
STAFF MANAGEMENT
If you have to call a meeting to tell everyone that you have an
open-door policy, you have already failed as a manager.
MOODS
If you had a good weekend, you'll feel bad on Monday.
AVOIDING ENTANGLEMENTS
It's easier to stay out than get out.
HAVING YOUR CAR FIXED
Any time a mechanic starts a conversation by telling you how lucky you
are that you brought your car in when you did, plan on spending at
least $100.
DEFINITION: SURVIVAL
Survival is attention to detail beyond everyone else's endurance
CLEAN THAT DISHWASHER
Add one scoop of the already mixed Lemonade in the plastic container
where you add your detergent. Wash one full cycle before you add your
dishes!
CATS & DOORS
No cat is ever on the correct side of a door.
TAKE YOUR TIME
There's never enough time to do it right but there's always enough
time to do it over.
WINNING AT BLACKJACK
When you're playing blackjack, assume that any unseen card is an 8.
TOM CRUISE FILMS
Hero is cocky, hero gets knocked down and humbled, hero pops to
the top again. Change the situation and start again. (e.g. Top Gun-
Pilot, Days of Thunder- Race car driver, Jerry Maguire- Sports agent,
Risky Business- high school senior...ad nauseum)
QUALITY CHECK
For good cheap FOOD, look for police cars or mini-vans in the parking
lot. For good SERVICE and decent food, look for expensive sport cars
or sedans. For GREAT SERVICE, look for Bentley's, Rolls Royce's and
Jaguars. For lousy service, bad food, high prices and GREAT
atmosphere, look for Porsches and Corvettes.
BURGER KING RULE
All Burger Kings are located near a McDonald's but not all McDonald's
are located near a Burger King.
JUST BECAUSE
Just because you "can", it doesn't necessarily mean you "should."
SPOTTING THE MURDERER
In a mystery play on your local stage, the murderer will be the best
actor among the suspects. In a mystery TV show, the murderer will be
the best-known actor.
PARKING LOT PAY
When interviewing for a job, take a good look at the cars in the parking
lot. If they are all junkers, then they don't pay much. If they are all ritzy,
high dollar cars, then they don't pay enough and everyone is in debt. If
they are full of Hondas, Toyotas and other "economical cars" then they
pay well enough for people to take vacations and have a family life too.
GENERAL RULE ON RELATIONSHIPS
If the relationship requires a lot of work, get out of it.
CAT TEASING
If you want to drive your (or your girlfriend's) cat nuts, put a small piece
of tape on the bottom of their paws.
GO BY THE MOON PHASE
Full moons mean crimes of passion and almost no chance of sex.
New moons mean the greatest chance of sex and of someone saying
"Yes". Also, consult fishing tables. If the fish bite, so will your dates
and business customers. So, if the moon is full, don't even bother. If
it's a New Moon, venture forth.
PEOPLE PAY A PREMIUM FOR GREEN
People will pay on average a 20-25% premium for products that are
eco-friendly.
FIGURING YOUR GLOVE SIZE
In buying gloves you will find that the length of your middle finger is the
width of your palm.
WATCHING WAVES
Every seventh wave is a big one.
BUYING WINE
The higher the alcohol level, the drier the wine.
DRINKING WINE
Wine before meals increases hunger. Wine during a meal quells the
appetite. Wine at the end of a meal can drown the desire for dessert.
USING THE DRIVE-UP WINDOW
If there are more than three cars in line ahead of you at a bank or
fast-food drive-up window, you'll save time if you get out of the car and
go inside.
Usually not. Unless you are striking looking, people are wrapped up in
themselves and their own workout. Dress comfortably for good range
of movement and cover yourself to ensure your privacy and so you do
not distract other attendees at the gym.
TAKING A SHOWER
A ten minute shower is worth an hour and a half of sleep.
LOVE AND CONVENIENCE
If a woman spends more time looking at herself in the mirror than
directly at her husbands face, the marriage has turned from love to
convenience.
MIRROR, MIRROR
Your eyesight gets worse as you get older so you can still like what
you see in the mirror.
WHOM TO SLEEP WITH
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
STRESSED
If you are stressed, just remember it's "Desserts" Backwards !
MONEY LIFE & TIME
Value anything but money, waste anything but time, and reply nothing
but smiles :)
Truth & Lying
If you tell the truth, You Don't have to remember anything
FIANCÉES FAMILY
You don't marry your spouse, you marry your spouse's family. You
already know that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with your
fiancé, but you're also committing to making their family your family.
WHEN NOT TO GAMBLE
Never gamble because you need the money
STAFF MANAGEMENT
If you have to call a meeting to tell everyone that you have an
open-door policy, you have already failed as a manager.
MOODS
If you had a good weekend, you'll feel bad on Monday.
AVOIDING ENTANGLEMENTS
It's easier to stay out than get out.
HAVING YOUR CAR FIXED
Any time a mechanic starts a conversation by telling you how lucky you
are that you brought your car in when you did, plan on spending at
least $100.
DEFINITION: SURVIVAL
Survival is attention to detail beyond everyone else's endurance
CLEAN THAT DISHWASHER
Add one scoop of the already mixed Lemonade in the plastic container
where you add your detergent. Wash one full cycle before you add your
dishes!
CATS & DOORS
No cat is ever on the correct side of a door.
TAKE YOUR TIME
There's never enough time to do it right but there's always enough
time to do it over.
WINNING AT BLACKJACK
When you're playing blackjack, assume that any unseen card is an 8.
TOM CRUISE FILMS
Hero is cocky, hero gets knocked down and humbled, hero pops to
the top again. Change the situation and start again. (e.g. Top Gun-
Pilot, Days of Thunder- Race car driver, Jerry Maguire- Sports agent,
Risky Business- high school senior...ad nauseum)
QUALITY CHECK
For good cheap FOOD, look for police cars or mini-vans in the parking
lot. For good SERVICE and decent food, look for expensive sport cars
or sedans. For GREAT SERVICE, look for Bentley's, Rolls Royce's and
Jaguars. For lousy service, bad food, high prices and GREAT
atmosphere, look for Porsches and Corvettes.
BURGER KING RULE
All Burger Kings are located near a McDonald's but not all McDonald's
are located near a Burger King.
JUST BECAUSE
Just because you "can", it doesn't necessarily mean you "should."
SPOTTING THE MURDERER
In a mystery play on your local stage, the murderer will be the best
actor among the suspects. In a mystery TV show, the murderer will be
the best-known actor.
PARKING LOT PAY
When interviewing for a job, take a good look at the cars in the parking
lot. If they are all junkers, then they don't pay much. If they are all ritzy,
high dollar cars, then they don't pay enough and everyone is in debt. If
they are full of Hondas, Toyotas and other "economical cars" then they
pay well enough for people to take vacations and have a family life too.
GENERAL RULE ON RELATIONSHIPS
If the relationship requires a lot of work, get out of it.
CAT TEASING
If you want to drive your (or your girlfriend's) cat nuts, put a small piece
of tape on the bottom of their paws.
GO BY THE MOON PHASE
Full moons mean crimes of passion and almost no chance of sex.
New moons mean the greatest chance of sex and of someone saying
"Yes". Also, consult fishing tables. If the fish bite, so will your dates
and business customers. So, if the moon is full, don't even bother. If
it's a New Moon, venture forth.
PEOPLE PAY A PREMIUM FOR GREEN
People will pay on average a 20-25% premium for products that are
eco-friendly.
FIGURING YOUR GLOVE SIZE
In buying gloves you will find that the length of your middle finger is the
width of your palm.
WATCHING WAVES
Every seventh wave is a big one.
BUYING WINE
The higher the alcohol level, the drier the wine.
DRINKING WINE
Wine before meals increases hunger. Wine during a meal quells the
appetite. Wine at the end of a meal can drown the desire for dessert.
USING THE DRIVE-UP WINDOW
If there are more than three cars in line ahead of you at a bank or
fast-food drive-up window, you'll save time if you get out of the car and
go inside.
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